Republicans Plan to Occupy Tampa

Just learned that the Republican Movement is planning a mass gathering in some place called the Tampa Bay Times Forum this summer. There’ll be thousands of them showing up with their bedrolls and bongs to demonstrate in favor of their ideas of good government.

Tampa police and authorities are making plans to keep order, including forcing the demonstrators to confine most of their activity to one venue. Supplies of tear gas and rubber bullets are being increased in case the Occupants get rowdy. Clashes are expected between factions in the disorganized national group.

There’s some talk that the gathering is being called to select a paramount leader but others say that any such attempt would just deepen the divisions in the movement, leading perhaps to permanent ruptures and mass hernias of all involved.

If you’re going to be in Tampa this August 29, drive by and give the Occupants the official Occupy Tampa salute. That’s where you old up your left hand in the OK sign and with the right hand make another gesture and stick your right middle finger as the upright of the ‘t’ through the center of the ‘o’ made by left thumb and forefinger.

They’ll understand and likely make several gestures right back at you.

The Relentless Dumbnation of Republican Politics

Among people for whom belief replaces knowledge, the Republican Party has carved out a colony of know-nothings who despise science, education and intelligence as being tools of the elite. These colonials vote in truly frightening numbers.

Their minions inhabit school boards across the country, blaming teachers for the failure of schools while cutting budgets to the bone. The governing councils of large cities seem more resistant to this sort of seat-packing but rural counties from Maine to Hawaii have to deal with their influence.

Several state governments, the next level up, have been taken over by these anti-intellectual, anti-humanist, anti-compromise candidates and their take-no-prisoners, scorched-earth politics.

Their influence in the U.S. House of Representatives is undeniable. Their presence in the Senate is just enough to make obstruction to legislation, any legislation just about, effective and nearly constant. The benches of Federal courts grow emptier and emptier as they block confirmation of appointees for no other reason than that they can and it causes trouble for those they see as their enemies.

Their enemies are the rest of us, those for whom facts matter.

But take heart, their very success breeds their downfall. Emboldened by a few gains, they assume that the rulership of the world is within their grasp at the same time that they complain that the other side is picking on them. They can’t see the inevitable push back coming, they think any win is a win forever and any win is worth any risk to secure.

Their leaders keep getting dumber and dumber in their policies, their actions and their strident posturing on the public stage. It’s only a matter of time until they tilt their heads back to look at the gray clouds they have seeded rolling in — and drown in a downpour of reason and understanding like the turkeys they are.

New EuroZone Plan for Greece

Instead of shooting the Greek economy in the head, heart, both legs and spleen, the EuroZone ministers have decided to shoot the Greek citizens instead. “This vill be much cheaper, ja?” said one of the ministers.

At first the plan was to shoot every third Greek but when it was pointed out that the unemployment rate in Greece is only 21%, the plan was cut back to only shooting one in five. “One percent unemployment, she is not so bad, oui?” said another minister.

“Besides,” a third minister pointed out, “economies don’t have spleens.”

European Ministers Fear Shooting Greek Economy in the Head Not Enough

After the medical analysis of what Greece’s economy’s condition would be in 2020, European finance minsters started negotiations to shoot the Greek economy in the heart as well. The medical analysis originally indicated that after being shot in the head this week, the Greek economy will still be dead in 2020. Panic was close but may have been staved off by the suggested new course of action.

Said one minister, “After shooting the Greek economy in both head and heart, I don’t know what else we can do. If this doesn’t work, we may have to play Russian roulette with the Portuguese economy, as well.”

Russia is not a member of the Eurozone and was unavailable for comment.

Geek to Nerd

Weird how ‘geek’ and ‘nerd’ have changed meaning or at least connotation just since I was in college.  Geek used to mean a circus freak who ate disgusting things for money and a nerd was a useless crumb of something, like eraser crumbs.

Now a geek is someone with skill in some technical or intellectual area and a nerd is someone studying to be a geek.

Next thing you know ‘dork’ is going to mean a Republican presidential primary candidate. Or has that already happened?

Of course, doofus retains its primary meaning of Vice President.

Blogging – The New Euphemism

Blogging, the new solitary vice, is ubiquitous. If you don’t have a blog to update regularly, you can only be somebody if you are paying someone else to update your blog for you. This used to be called “getting a hand job.”

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with blogging, per se, but everyone involved should wash their hands and brains afterwards before handling food or doing any righteous thinking.