God, an IRS man, a priest, and a rabbi are playing mini-golf. After six holes, the IRS man is leading with 21, God at 24 and the two clergymen tied at 26. It’s a good tight game and everyone is playing well.
The priest has been trying to get up his nerve to talk privately to God and he finally manages to ask what’s been on his mind. “God, he says, I’ve been a good man, I’ve tried to help my flock and follow church teachings and abide by Your Holy Word. What I want, well, what I want to know, what I’d like is some assurance that I’m going to Heaven.”
God smiled on his priest. “Sure,” He said. “You’ve been a good man and a fine priest and if you continue as you’ve been doing, your place in Heaven is assured.” Much relieved to hear that, the priest thanked God, praised Him and moved away to smile happily as he prepared for the next hole.
Seeing the priest had spoken with God, the rabbi stepped up, too. “Sir,” he said. “We Jews don’t necessarily believe in Heaven but we are promised a reward if we keep Your Commandments. I think I have done so, I have certainly tried and I would like to receive the sort of assurance You gave the priest that my life has pleased You.”
God smiled down at him. “And aren’t you one of My Chosen People? You keep the Commandments, you have done mitzvahs as you should. And yes, you will be rewarded for being good and kind and faithful.” And the rabbi also moved away smiling.
Seeing the other two so happy to have received God’s blessing, the IRS man approached the Presence of the Deity. “I’m a humble man, God. I don’t have the knowledge the other two have of what I should do. I have a terrible job and I know that I have made other people unhappy. But wasn’t Matthew also a tax collector? I guess, what I’m asking is if there is going to be a place for me in Heaven, too.”
God frowned down at the tax man and the sky seemed to be a little less bright. “I hate to tell you this,” said God. “But if you keep hitting eagles like you did on the last two holes, you’re going to Hell.”