Jackass Marketing

Everyone has heard of Gorilla Marketing, which is where you jump out of a tree, put the customer in a headlock and force them to sign a six month subscription to your print magazine. No, wait, that’s supposed to be Guerilla Marketing which is where you jump out of a tree and shoot the bastard….

No, wait.

Nevermine.

What there is way too much of on the internet is Jackass Marketing. Which is where your subscription offer is an insult to the intelligence of your average hairy equine consumer.

Q.V. Excellent bad example.

First, that they even offer something with web access that does not include available optimized mobile is not just ignorant, it’s struthioformic (that means like an ostrich) — in order to do something like that, one has to have one’s head in the sand or someplace even darker and smellier.

Second, look at the fourth offer, presumably their trial offer to entice people in: 30 days web only access for 19.95 — versus the second offer: web plus mobile for ninety days for only $1.30 more. W? T? F?

Third, try to tell them this is a stupid marketing position and you are faced with two screens worth of checkboxes and a captcha to communicate with them. And they don’t have a checkbox for “You should fire someone in marketing.”

Fourth, who would want to read a futurologistic magazine so poorly grounded in the present as to come up with this for a marketing plan?

The obvious deduction from their offers is that one month of web and mobile access to their current issue is worth sixty-five cents. The check is in the mail!

2 thoughts on “Jackass Marketing

  1. Hmmm. Evidently New Scientist offer different offers to people from different countries. Here in the UK (where they’re based), you’re given three options (all annual subscriptions): Print + Web for £150, Web + Smartphone + Tablet for £150, Print + Web + Smartphone + Tablet for £185. Each payable either upfront by credit card or by quarterly direct debit (which of course has a larger discount, as they count on people being too lazy to cancel the £36 every three months). From articles, you’re also given the choice of registering, which isn’t a subscription but grants you access to the web versions of articles for seven days after publication.

    • That’s still pretty stupid to charge extra for mobile access but the offers on the subscription page are similar in the US. It’s if you try to read an article and get to the end of the free part that they suggest something even more stupid. Do these print magazines want to fail? It’s like dinosaurs building asteroid catchers.

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